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Parents are in the midst of a divorce.

Angry or sad, not sure how to feel. Confused mostly. Have taken out frustrations with major retail therapy. I bought 4 pairs of shoes totalling $200 this week alone. And make-up and clothes.

Mom's living in my room at the moment. She takes her anger out on me, when not fighting with my dad. I have to keep thinking.. "This too shall pass.." or I'll go fucking crazy. I'm hurting in a major way, but I have to pretend I'm not because a couple of very good friends are getting married, and I'm a bridesmaid. You don't know what pain is until you have to smile through the solemnisation ceremony, listening about how two people are in love and getting together, when your heart is breaking over the reality that your family is about to be broken apart. Award for best actress at a wedding goes to...

Divorce here is kinda different. My parents are already technically classed as 'separated' and 'pending', but there's a grace period of 3 months before it's final. I don't know, at this rate, I kinda wish it was over now. There are times I've wanted to stab them both just to end each other's suffering. I'm going to hell for that remark, aren't I?
 
I'm lonely and suffocated right now. I forgot what happiness looked or felt like. We were supposed to go on a family trip to Japan next month, around the time of my birthday, and I was supposed to get loaded on Tohoshinki stuff and go to Disney SEA and Sanrio land. Guess that's all a pipe dream now..

Every night I go to sleep, and keep wishing that everything's just a bad dream. When I wake up, it's not..

I feel like Buffy Circa Season 6.. Alive, but not living.

Back to the gym that is.. I thought I'd amp it up a little, and focus my workouts more. At home with the bike, it's easy to get distracted and interrupted. And I like the headspace and concentration that working out at the gym affords.

I have to get used to the early mornings though. I'm not a morning person, so getting up early, having breakfast and hitting up the gym is no mean feat. I want to avoid the crowds and seeing people I know there. When I go in the afternoons, it quickly becomes more of a social gathering and gossip session rather than a focused sweaty session.

I need to put together a playlist though. I couldn't get 'in the zone' because I was constantly skipping songs on my ipod. Right now, I'm totally into the English version of Heartbreaker. The "heart-heart-heart-breaker" bit is most awesome to up the pace from brisk walk into light jog. Whee!

Today, I went 3 rounds of 10 mins each on the elliptical trainer, bike and treadmill. Avg heartrate : 165bpm. Calories burned (Approx. by machines) : 250 (BOO!!!)
The feeling of actually going to the gym and having worked out : unmeasurable!

Taking a few days off to sort out my forums and get ready for the end of the fasting month.. All chaos is about to break loose.. LOL

Here's to hoping that our boys get the court judgment they need to set things right. *fingers crossed*

"Always Keep the Faith" <3 you all!

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=144580073080

On better news... Jaebum is a trending topic on twitter..

Tagged by lydzi_de_galles

( Meme and long answers here plz! )

My day is divided up like this.. 5 hours of sleep (which is never enough!), 10-12 hours on the computer/internet (inclusive of the time I'm at work), 2 allocated to dramas/tv and randomness like driving/make-up/showering/dressing etc., 3 when I'm out with my friends, 2 hours at the gym, and the latter 2 will be spent in front of the computer if I don't gym it or go out with my friends..

So I spend a LOT of time in front of my computer.. hence I'm so pasty.. But YET.. How does everyone keep up with all the forums/social websites/news and still stay ahead??? I feel like.. Holy mother of sock... :-/.. I feel really bad that I have memberships to forums I hardly sign in to... never mind managing the Brunei TVXQ forums.. and I still feel like I'm left behind in everything.. and I BARELY have a social life as it is.. save for gymming and hanging out with my girls.. and I make it up to them by lunching with them..

And, not only does everyone have time to blog/chat/surf/spazz.. but also sub/icon/moderate/write fanfic???

HOW do you do it, seriously??

Am I sleeping too much? Is that why?

Or am I just needlessly panicking about this, and should really just switch off my computer one day and get a life, lest it leaves me behind?

But I like being pasty... :-/

Thank God nobody can see me dancing like an idiot.. :D

I wonder if God laughs at me sometimes when I do... XD

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Now playing: SMTOWN - Seaside 휴게소 (Boom Boom) (Sung By 동방신기, 슈퍼주니어, SHINee)
via FoxyTunes   

Title: Seven Days To Make An Angel - Day Two, Part One

Pairings: Junsu Centric / Slight Yoosu / Jaejoong X OFC / Junsu X Changmin

Rating: PG-13, just to be on the safe side. Deals with heavy issues like suicide, death, depression and hospital stays, but nothing explicit.

Warnings: As above..

Genre: Drama / Tragedy

A/N: I know chapters are long and far between, but I promise if you hang in there that it's worth the wait. I promise you there's an ending because I've already written it.

Summary: Junsu, the trainee angel is given an assignment on earth to help Hyun Ae regain her halo. He is given 7 days and a human body to help Hyun Ae, but there are lots and lots of rules involved and Junsu, being a new angel doesn’t know how to help someone who’s lost hope and faith in everything. He is sent down and wakes up in a human body and tries to get involved in Hyun Ae's life, sometimes with disastrous results. Can Junsu earn his wings and help Hyun Ae gain her halo back?

[PROLOGUE] [Day One]

( Day Two, Part One )

I'm utterly convinced that Junsu has verbal diarrhea.. lol.. Even more so when someone uploaded this video of Junsu's random Engrish cuts.. :D

The boy just randomly says stuff.. hehehe..

So here's a bit of sunshine to chase those crazy blues away... This video is definitely good for a few laughs.

Lord knows we all need one in such dark days..

Stolen from goku_the_saru and darixhina 

* Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper at their LiveJournal.
* Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper!
* Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!



1. Um.. it's DBSK. Rules state (in my head) "Thou shalt have DBSK for wallies alwayz. So sayeth the Gods."

2. I love Chunnie's hair in this in the individual pic & Minnie's expression is adorable.

3. For some reason, I'm liking green this month.

4. It has a calendar. 

5. My Su-face is holding flowers for me. Awww.

Happiness is hearing your voice.. on a crackly phone line.. telling me in no uncertain words...

"I love you."

I'm sleeping well tonight... :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

It's a renegotiation, not a separation. I doubt SM would allow his beloved cash cow to get away from him. Right now, the best thing we can do is support our boys FULL OUT and get their names in every possible media outlet possible. 

Flood your Facebook status-es... Tweet as much as you can #TVXQ.. Go hit your MySpaces and Multiplys.. Use the power of social media to  show our support and love for our boys.. especially my darling Su-Face... If SM sees that we fangirls will follow our boys everywhere they will go.. we can give them more negotiation power.

Okay, I've had my say so...

"Dear Dongsaeng,

I appreciate you telling me about this news.. but it's 6 AM and unless someone has died, I would rather wait until I was PROPERLY AWAKE before I get panicked phone calls about DBSK. For future clarification : people have been strangled for waking me up before my proper assigned hour.

In summary : TVXQ is not going to break up. You are just being silly. And next time you call me at crazy hours, somebody's gonna get hurt real bad. Okay?

Love Unnie."

(Tagged on Facebook, Posted on LJ)

1.       Though I love, Love, LOVE shoes.. I prefer walking around barefoot. There’s something about the feel of sand, and wet grass on bare feet that’s… interesting.

2.       I have an autographed Casino Royale 007 poster with my birthday on it, it is one of the coolest things I’ve collected by far!

3.       The one place on earth where I feel like I’m coming home to is New York.

4.       One thing I really believe in is to make someone laugh or smile EVERYDAY. Even when I’m down, I need to see at least one person smile.

5.       My love for KPop is not an obsession. It’s a lifestyle choice. And it’s one of the things that really makes me happy right now.

6.       I’ve made more friends around the world in more interesting places through KPop than I had in all my years of travelling and living abroad.

7.       I’m a dreamer, and often I get lost in my own dreams.

8.       I don’t believe in past lives because I don’t like to think that I’m recycled in any way.

9.       I can sing songs in 8 different languages. I can only speak 2 fluently.

10.   I love the Zelda series of games so much, it hurts. I did not leave Brunei Hall for a week trying to complete Windwaker (and I DID IT!)

11.   People don’t think I’m a geek, but I am.

12.   I’ve cried more than I should have in my lifetime.

13.   I really, really, really want to get a Ragdoll cat and I’d name it Xiah (pronounced SHAH).

14.   I used to hate the kelloid scar on my shoulder, to the point where I almost cut it off with a knife to get rid of it. It wasn’t until I saw one of the girls from Elite with a larger sized kelloid, walking around so confidently in sleeveless shirts around Brunei did I stop hating it and started accepting it as a part of me. This small thing subsequently changed how I viewed myself and started me on a very long road of healing and self esteem.

15.   I enjoy the words ‘butt’ and ‘monkey’ too much.

16.   One of my dreams came true on 7^th February 2009, ten months after I thought it would only happen in my wildest dreams.

17.   I can’t be vegetarian. I’m allergic to Quorn and other vegetarian option meat substitutes. Honestly, I TRIED.

18.   I really, really love dramas and movies that make me cry. The sadder the ending, the better.  I guess this contributes a lot to No. 12.

19.   Out of all the photographs I like.. the one I treasure most is the one of my nephew sleeping on my shoulder when he was a few months old.

20.   If I’ve christened you with a special nickname, consider yourself owned and know that you will NEVER be able get rid of me.

21.   There are two songs in the world that NEVER fail to make me cry : ‘Annie’s Song’ by John Denver and ‘Dream like New York’ by Tyrone Wells.

22.   My sister is the reason I’m still alive today.

23.   If I could get a tattoo, I would get ‘믿어요’ and ‘’ tattooed on my right wrist so I’d never forget to ‘Believe.’

24.   According to my sister, little children follow me ever since ‘Akazukin Chacha.’

25.   I will probably continue to DDR badly even when I have children and will use it to embarrass them.

It's just random.. Do what you like.. ^^

Title: Seven Days To Make An Angel - Day One
Pairings: Junsu Centric/ very slight YooSu
Rating: PG-13, just to be on the safe side. Deals with heavy issues like suicide and death.
Warnings: As above..
Genre: Drama / Tragedy
A/N: Sorry it took so long to finish Day One.. :-/ I kinda lost the plot for a while.. But I finally completed it! Sorry if part one and part two seem disjointed.. but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Summary: Junsu, the trainee angel is given an assignment on earth to help Hyun Ae regain her halo. He is given 7 days and a human body to help Hyun Ae, but there are lots and lots of rules involved and Junsu, being a new angel doesn’t know how to help someone who’s lost hope and faith in everything. He is sent down and wakes up in a human body and tries to get involved in Hyun Ae's life, sometimes with disastrous results. Can Junsu earn his wings and help Hyun Ae gain her halo back?

[The Longest Prologue in the History of Mankind! ] [Day Two, Part One]

(  Day One, Part One, reposted! )

(  Day One, Part Two! )(  Day One, Part Two! )

Hey there!

Things you need to know :

* All prices are in US Dollars
* Prices do not include shipping.
* I will not be held responsible for lost, stolen or damaged mail.
* There are no refunds once payment is received.
* Paypal or Money Orders in USD or British Pounds accepted.
* When paying by Paypal, please add 5% for charges.
* Shipping by standard mail only. Registered is extra.
* Items are shipped out when payment is received.
* Poster measurements are 34 1/2 inches by 24 1/2 inches and are $8 each. Ask me for a deal if you're buying more than two!
* Imperfections on the pictures are not due to damage, it's cos I am a TERRIBLE photographer. But if you want to see more pictures of the items, please let me know.. ^^
* Thanks for looking!

Shipping Info :

* Shipping for posters, folded via envelope is $5.50. Via tube is $7 + $2 for the cardboard tube
* Flat rate shipping to the US for other items is $5.50.
* For shipping to other destinations, don't hesitate to ask.. I won't bite!

( Goodies This Way! )

Hi, thanks for dropping by!

Things you need to know :

* All prices are in US Dollars
* Prices do not include shipping. As a guide : shipping via tube to the US is $6, tube is additional $2. (I'm shipping from Brunei). Folded posters in an envelope are $4.50. Please ask me for shipping to other destinations.
* I will not be held responsible for lost, stolen or damaged mail.
* There are no refunds once payment is received.
* Paypal or Money Orders in USD or British Pounds accepted.
* When paying by Paypal please add 5% for charges
* Shipping by standard mail only. Registered is extra.
* Items are shipped out when payment is received.
* Posters measuring 22 3/4 inches by 16 3/4 inches are $5 each. Larger posters (34 1/2 inches by 24 1/2 inches) are $8 each. Ask me for a deal if you're buying more than two!
* Thanks for looking!
( Onward to posters )

I'm so disgusted rite now.. really.. Idk what to say.

My whole family is busy this weekend so I thought I'd invite one of my guy friends, Aaron over to keep me company and stuff.. i.e to boss around and tell him to get the remote for the tv, change the discs on the Wii, etc..

We went to Jollibee to buy food, and I wanted to stay in the car, which we had agreed on before we left.. but he was acting all weird and shit and insisted that I get out and pick up the food. At first I was annoyed, but I got over it.

By the time we got home.. he got even weirder.. He like bolted for the bathroom.. leaving me to carry all the food into the house.. and like stayed there for 10 minutes.. so I just plopped myself on the sofa and started eating. I totally ignored him when he came out to eat, and just kept watching the TV..

And then things went BEYOND WEIRD.

Usually I am comfortable with Aaron, we're like good buddies and all.. and he treats me like a guy.. I even call him a$$h0le and numbnuts and idiot and all other kinds of interesting names.. because that's what we do, I never mean it, of course.. and he never minds and has some equally unappealling names to call me. I love that about our friendship.

So how did things go beyond weird? Well.. at first I thought it was cool that he offered to massage my shoulders.. that is no problem.. Except.. his hands kept moving to my sides and tickling me.. it was fun at first.. until I thought I felt his hand brushed past my boob. Which is no big deal because as I've mentioned in a previous entry.. they are a bit big.. Ignored that one.. and then the touching became persistent.. so I brushed him off and moved from the floor to the sofa to get comfortable..

Played Wii for a bit.. and I paused the game to go to the bathroom. When I came back, I found him sitting on the sofa too.. and underneath my blanket (I'M SO GONNA BURN THAT BLANKET NOW!).. Huh.. It felt like as time went on.. he was trying to get closer and closer.. and it was definitely starting to creep me out.

As I was sitting back down.. he hands me the Wiimote.. except he used that an excuse to KISS ME! LIKE EURGH! EWWW!

GAGS!

Had it been a nice kiss I would have excused him.. except it was ALL YUCK!!! Wet and saliva and GROSS!!!

I FEEL DIRTY!!!!!!
( If you're already grossed out.. don't read this part! )


I so mollified, mortified, disgusted, incensed..  I totally kicked him out! I feel so VIOLATED!

His pathetic excuse was I shouldn't have been wearing such a revealing top. DUDE! I'm a t-shirt AND I'm wearing a SPORTS BRA! There's nothing sexy about it!

I should have punched him in the nuts when I had a chance!

OH SO GROSS! I just showered and I still feel EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

JUNSU COME AND SAVE ME!!!

Found this online.. and I was thinking.. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!



Those weird things are supposed to be DBSK??

Okay.. I can see the Su/Chun/Jae resemblance ish.. No comment on Ho.. WTF Changmin???

I would never buy this.. it'll probably give me NIGHTMARES!

( On the bright side.. )

It's been a while. Are you well? Do you think of me as often as I think of you, long for you?

Do you sometimes hear me whisper your name in the forgotten hours of night? Do you dream of me and wake to find I'm not there?

Do you talk to me out loud in an empty room, and expect to hear a reply?

Do you drink Guinness and remember me every time? Does my laugh echo in the empty corners of your mind?

Do you still cycle in the rain? Does the rain bring memories that taste as sweet?

Do you pretend to dance with me in empty open spaces?

Do you... at all?

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Now playing: 東方神起 - Bolero
via FoxyTunes